Merry Valentimes Day!! xoxoxoxxoxoxo

First off, Happy Valentines Day. I hope you find that special little someone, and you get laid or in the very least your member licked.

Secondly, there's nothing that badgers me more than people saying that Valentines Day a stupid "Hallmark Holiday"
I fucking know it is, right? But so is Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and your Birthday.(Honestly, nobody gives a hell about any of the history of any of these holidays) So what's the deal with Valentines Day? I don't hear anyone complaining about how much they hate Christmas. (Well yes I do, but shut your face anyways)
People get presents for no reason whatsoever on Christmas. They don't have to do shit and they'll most likely end up getting some holiday cheer sent their way. And that's how they like it. Easy, and free, just like _______'s mother. ( You know who you are.)

Whereas Valentines Day, you actually have to give a shit and try to make someone A: Actually want to be around you for at least a day. Or B: Feel sorry for you enough that they put you on suicide watch and take it upon themselves to keep you alive for another day. ("B" takes a lot less effort as well. Who wudd'a thunk'it?)

Anyways, I don't give a shit. I like having one day a year to get together with a special someone and be romantic as shit towards them. I enjoy buying stuff for people and making them happy. It makes me happy, and I like being happy. I would do it every single day if I didn't make $8.85 an hour cleaning tables at FUCKING A&W.

I just like the idea of having a day of the year where if you go out of your way to tell someone the way you feel about them in a spontaneous/romantic way, you don't end up surrounded by a squad of cop cars and your name added to a permanent sex offender list. (I'd be more surprised if this didn't exist. RIGHT?)

Quit being such a killjoy to everyone and find someone to be cute with for the day. Either that or masturbate violently in your bedroom for 15 hours and fall asleep in a pillow soaked in your own salty sadness(this could mean 2 things, I'll leave it at that). I don't care (I sort of do..Don't do that!!) Either way, I don't want to hear another person tell me what a fool I am for participating in such a inane holiday. Go fuck yourself. (or somebody else! Chicks 'aint got no morals on Valentines Day)

Love; Brandonas Henningsmoenas

PS;
I hope this little puke gets a terrible case of cancer.